So You've Gotten Yourself into a "Situationship"

 I would say around 95% of singles are involved in at least one situationship, and others maybe involved in more than one.

A situationship is a romantic or intimate partner with unfinished business.  Its that person you feel like you should be dating but are friend zoned.  Its that fling that never got to be "serious".  Its that ex your still friends with but you're actually in love with. Its that relationship that got "too serious" so now you don't even talk.   Its a relationship that your energy is still connected to, even when you say you've moved on.  

A situationship is that relationship usually centered around a deep rooted love for each other, that you've both managed to totally fuck up.  The situationship is held together by a codependency where you mutually know you need or want that person emotionally, physically or sexually for a variety of reasons.  For these reason you can have a blow out or not talk for months or pretend to move on, when then one day out of the blue they emotionally need you for something, and  you are instantly right back to being the heart eye emojee.  

We're taught from the media that love is tested, love needs to be proven through sacrifice, and love withstands all obstacles in the test of time.  We are taught people will come back into our lives if they are supposed to be there.  

For these reasons, we embrace the fuckboy and fuckgirls for their hundredth mistake when they need us. For this reason we leave the front porch light on just in case they want to come home.  For this reason we still have karmic energy lines connected to this person, that will only vanish when have completely healed and moved on from them.

Distinguishing between what  is a good situationship and what is a stagnant energy sucking situationship is easy when assessed from a detached peaceful state.  

Being in a situationship doesn't mean the other person is a bad person.  Being in a situationship means your energy is being scattered and potentially wasted.  If you continue to ignore how this person is preventing you from aligning with what you truly want from relationships, they will continually drain your energy by leading you down the wrong path. If you choose not to see the lessons learned from this person, you will never be able to raise your vibration. 

The rule of thumb for situationships is : If it is negative towards your life, quit it. 

Here is some signs this situationship needs to end: 

1. You are always giving and never receiving.  They may not respond to you, but you respond to them in seconds. 

2. The other person is publicly involved with another relationship. 

3. This person consumes your focus to the point it takes away from you accomplishing your tasks and goals.

4. The relationship is forced and doesn't come naturally, you have to force them to see you or talk to you.  

5. You resent this person for certain things that you can't let go of. Therefor even when your being nice or helping them, you have a motive. 

6. When you reach out to this person it is to flex your ego. AKA snaps of you with a new hottie having fun at a bar so they see it.  

7.  Your life is in balance and then this person comes along and its instantly scattered. 

8.  Majority of this relationship takes place on the phone/social media and not in person. 

9 .  You never hang out alone, just in groups.  

10.  This person is still hung up on an ex, and just fucking around because they crave intimacy without being intimate. 

And the biggest most important !!! 

11.  Despite time and your effort, this person is still stagnant.  They are in the same exact place mentally, spiritually and maturely from when you first met them.

If your reading this and thinking of someone.  You got yourself a situationship honey!!

 

You cling to hope, you cling to good memories of that person, you cling to the fact that you, yourself,  are a good person who treats others the way you would like to be treated. 

If the other person is an energy vampire, respectfully leave it. 

If this person is stagnant and still in the same shitty position they were in months ago.  Distance yourself asap.  Silence your ego that says "they'll change" "But I like the attention" and block their ass. ENERGY VAMPIRES YA'LL!!! They linger around thriving on your weakness.

Reclaim your power.  

Situationships are mirrors.  Mirrors to how you see yourself, how you see intimacy, how you see love, how to feel love, how you give love, how you project onto love, how you block love, how you lie to yourself about love, how you see other and how others see you.  

The thing about sitationships is they are some of your biggest teachers.  Regardless of what happens, in the end they teach us to honor our own vibration, respect our energy and silence our ego.  How we choose to deal with this person and how much we choose to let them take from us is our lesson.  Strengthening bonds does come from going through shit together and learning each others good and bad sides, but turning patterns into cycles is a choice. 

  The reality is even if this person is a soul mate, they are making clutter from your life.  They are upsetting the balance.  They're like the laundry you did but never folded, just all in a pile on your floor or that suitcase from the trip you took last week that has yet to be unpacked.  They are full of potential but its just a mess right now. They might even be blocking you from your next love simply because you are given them your focus.  

The reality is even if this person is a soul mate, they are making clutter from your life.  They are upsetting the balance.  They're like the laundry you did but never folded, just all in a pile on your floor or that suitcase from the trip you took last week that has yet to be unpacked.  They are full of potential but its just a mess right now. They might even be blocking you from your next love simply because you are given them your focus.  

All you can do in situationships is respect your own energy, play it by ear and embrace the complexities in which you have come to know this person. This mindset will give you a sense of peace that will prompt healing and closure.  

Ending a situtionship is not as difficult as it may seem.  Honoring your vibration and honoring your truth is way easier than being at the mercy of someone else's confusion.  Appreciating the fact you got to spend time with this soul will shift your perspective to a place of gratitude.  Gratitude will set you free without discord.  

The lessons this person has to teach you, you have to teach yourself,

It is actually really intimate to learn how fucked up someone is, you know them on a level most people don't get to know.  If you were just another basic beez in their life you wouldn't get the honor of learning how all this person's childhood hurts and past negative karma is acting out in their current psyche.  Feeling relaxed in your situationship allows you the intimacy of getting to know how this person presents themselves, how they hinder their success, how they don't live their truth and all the other little flaws that make them human.

The lesson is within how you choose to honor & respect yourself.

The situationship I got myself into taught me more about my inner strength than I ever could.  I was fierce when he acted up.  For the first time in my dating career I wasn't crying and desperate when a guy was a fuckboy.  When months later he needed my help, he taught me unconditional love.  He taught me helping people and how you treat others is an act of your good character, not theirs. He taught me to not apologize for being honest, especially if it was something that had been building up for a long time and was bound to be so honest it hurt feelings. He didn't exactly "teach me" this, he was just being his normal pussy self and I did the learning. 

So now, in the current state of our situationship, I honor him.  That angel face with blue eyes who just happened to be at a bar while I was on vacation across the country.  What a mess we made out of what could have been.  What a beautiful mess. God sent us to shake each other up and say all the things god can't simply speak.  No one teaches love, vulnerability or getting over your ex in school.  God sent us each here to do those things for each other. Honoring you, is a way of honoring god and the lessons he's taught me. 

So my advice on situationships is take it lightly, laugh about the past, realize how different you are from when you first met this person.  Reflect on how much they taught you about love and life.  Notice how through their actions you might have healed yourself from your own wounds or shadow.  Notice how they made you stronger than you thought you could be.  

Leave them at a distance as a respect for yourself. Open yourself up to the love you know you deserve.  

 Tell this person you love them because that honestly is what it all is. It always all love. 

Amen. 

XOXO

-Nat

 

What Are Karmic Contracts?

You are involved in them.  You're actually probably involved in like 10.

Karmic contracts are our relationship teachers.  The people that come into your life to teach your soul a lesson. Ultimately, at the end of your life, they are who taught your soul how to be whole.  The lessons they teach are apart of your soul’s evolution.  This person is actually a soul mate (soul mates vs. twin flames will be covered later).  Once you have fully learned your lesson your contract is over.

 

By the laws of karma, getting back what you put out, we attract different soul mates into our life.  If we didn’t learn our lesson from someone the first time karma will send the same lesson with a new face.

Negative patterns will repeat themselves.

So if you want to break patterns, negative habits, vibrate on a higher level, aligned with your truth, attract your twin flame and accumulate only positive karma, listen up.

Karmic contracts can be friends, lovers, and family but for the sake of easy explanations I am going to focus on love/romantic relationships for this article.  

If you identify you past childhood hurts like your parents divorce, your fat teased elementary school days, the fact you never had a dad, WHATEVER IT MAY BE, you are left with little holes in your soul that need to be patched up.  The misconception is that another person will patch up these holes, when actually the lesson is only learned when you do the sewing yourself.  When you heal your own soul, sew your own patches, you are able to break this negative karmic pattern and your soul will begin to radiate only positive karma into the world.  Your soul is one more step to being whole.

Love relationships are often our biggest teachers simply because love is the soul’s deepest desire. Most significant romantic relationships are not “the one”.  Instead they are getting you ready for that person so when you actually meet them you can begin your relationship surrounded by only good karma.  When you have ended all your previous karmic contracts,  you can begin a relationship by together being the best person you could be and together being aligned with your highest truths.

So back to these soul mates and their lessons…

These soul mates are teaching you a lesson and the lesson will never be “all guys are assholes, I’m swearing off men” or “women are bitches” or “my ex is a psycho” or “all men cheat, I can’t trust anyone”.  That is not a lesson, that is your ego being immature by avoiding the situation and further clouding your energy with negative karma.

Instead the lesson is how you handled the situation.  Even when someone totally devastates you and ruins your life, it depends on how you handle the situation.  As upsetting as it may be, you have to cut this person from your life to recognize the lessons.  You have to forgive their actions.  You actually have to thank them with the utmost gratitude for helping you better align with your highest truth.  You forgive yourself for feeling any feelings of sadness, confusion or negativity.  You allow yourself to feel those things.

Only when you sit in a place of peace, and not in a place of ego, can you identify the lessons you are being taught.  Ask yourself questions.

What did you allow?  What did you ignore? Have you been in this situation before? Were you dating an image of something you wanted that wasn’t making you happy? Were you putting too much energy into a relationship?

There is so many questions just depends on where you are karmically.

Here is some examples:

A karmic contract I was involved in taught me a lot about my ego and my relationship with intimacy.  I had never really had intimate sex, I wouldn’t consider myself affectionate or a cuddler.  But that was all a lie I told myself to distance myself from men, and also I just hadn’t found someone I was comfortable acting that way with.  When I did meet my ex, and felt super comfortable, it was a total energy shift.  Something clicked.  I realized all those things I had been “depriving” myself of were actually what I wanted the most. Me being unaffectionate was actually not apart of my highest truth but my ego trying to act to cool for love. Giving affection actually made me feel really good inside.  Intimate sex was way better than drunk frat boy sex.  Staying in on a friday night to cuddle and watch movies was more fun than getting bottle service at a club.  

All of those lessons I taught myself because of him.  My soul evolved because of him.  My soul grew because of him. He wasn’t literally teaching me lessons but our relationship guided me down a path of spiritual growth.  

When I ended the relationship I was really sad for months but only with time and furthering my spirituality did I realize he wasn’t “the one”, he was just helping me heal my intimacy issues so I could align with my highest truth. He was only in my life for a short time but the lessons he taught me are eternal.  Through this recognition I was able to end the contract.  

Obviously this takes time.  If you just started dating someone, it's gonna take a while to see how it plays out depending on where you are karmically.  It is also important to note you can’t force someone to learn a lesson about themselves.  That's not your job and a waste of energy. With your new knowledge of karmic contracts simply focus on healing, forgiving and moving forward.  Any negative actions or reactions you have had or done in the past will come back for you to correct it and balance it out.   If you are currently involved with someone take a outside perspective and see how you have grown since being in this relationship.  

Karmic contracts are inevitable and I am just touching on the surface so please respond and ask questions! Together we can all heal our negative karma by raising awareness and learning from other’s stories.