So You've Gotten Yourself into a "Situationship"

 I would say around 95% of singles are involved in at least one situationship, and others maybe involved in more than one.

A situationship is a romantic or intimate partner with unfinished business.  Its that person you feel like you should be dating but are friend zoned.  Its that fling that never got to be "serious".  Its that ex your still friends with but you're actually in love with. Its that relationship that got "too serious" so now you don't even talk.   Its a relationship that your energy is still connected to, even when you say you've moved on.  

A situationship is that relationship usually centered around a deep rooted love for each other, that you've both managed to totally fuck up.  The situationship is held together by a codependency where you mutually know you need or want that person emotionally, physically or sexually for a variety of reasons.  For these reason you can have a blow out or not talk for months or pretend to move on, when then one day out of the blue they emotionally need you for something, and  you are instantly right back to being the heart eye emojee.  

We're taught from the media that love is tested, love needs to be proven through sacrifice, and love withstands all obstacles in the test of time.  We are taught people will come back into our lives if they are supposed to be there.  

For these reasons, we embrace the fuckboy and fuckgirls for their hundredth mistake when they need us. For this reason we leave the front porch light on just in case they want to come home.  For this reason we still have karmic energy lines connected to this person, that will only vanish when have completely healed and moved on from them.

Distinguishing between what  is a good situationship and what is a stagnant energy sucking situationship is easy when assessed from a detached peaceful state.  

Being in a situationship doesn't mean the other person is a bad person.  Being in a situationship means your energy is being scattered and potentially wasted.  If you continue to ignore how this person is preventing you from aligning with what you truly want from relationships, they will continually drain your energy by leading you down the wrong path. If you choose not to see the lessons learned from this person, you will never be able to raise your vibration. 

The rule of thumb for situationships is : If it is negative towards your life, quit it. 

Here is some signs this situationship needs to end: 

1. You are always giving and never receiving.  They may not respond to you, but you respond to them in seconds. 

2. The other person is publicly involved with another relationship. 

3. This person consumes your focus to the point it takes away from you accomplishing your tasks and goals.

4. The relationship is forced and doesn't come naturally, you have to force them to see you or talk to you.  

5. You resent this person for certain things that you can't let go of. Therefor even when your being nice or helping them, you have a motive. 

6. When you reach out to this person it is to flex your ego. AKA snaps of you with a new hottie having fun at a bar so they see it.  

7.  Your life is in balance and then this person comes along and its instantly scattered. 

8.  Majority of this relationship takes place on the phone/social media and not in person. 

9 .  You never hang out alone, just in groups.  

10.  This person is still hung up on an ex, and just fucking around because they crave intimacy without being intimate. 

And the biggest most important !!! 

11.  Despite time and your effort, this person is still stagnant.  They are in the same exact place mentally, spiritually and maturely from when you first met them.

If your reading this and thinking of someone.  You got yourself a situationship honey!!

 

You cling to hope, you cling to good memories of that person, you cling to the fact that you, yourself,  are a good person who treats others the way you would like to be treated. 

If the other person is an energy vampire, respectfully leave it. 

If this person is stagnant and still in the same shitty position they were in months ago.  Distance yourself asap.  Silence your ego that says "they'll change" "But I like the attention" and block their ass. ENERGY VAMPIRES YA'LL!!! They linger around thriving on your weakness.

Reclaim your power.  

Situationships are mirrors.  Mirrors to how you see yourself, how you see intimacy, how you see love, how to feel love, how you give love, how you project onto love, how you block love, how you lie to yourself about love, how you see other and how others see you.  

The thing about sitationships is they are some of your biggest teachers.  Regardless of what happens, in the end they teach us to honor our own vibration, respect our energy and silence our ego.  How we choose to deal with this person and how much we choose to let them take from us is our lesson.  Strengthening bonds does come from going through shit together and learning each others good and bad sides, but turning patterns into cycles is a choice. 

  The reality is even if this person is a soul mate, they are making clutter from your life.  They are upsetting the balance.  They're like the laundry you did but never folded, just all in a pile on your floor or that suitcase from the trip you took last week that has yet to be unpacked.  They are full of potential but its just a mess right now. They might even be blocking you from your next love simply because you are given them your focus.  

The reality is even if this person is a soul mate, they are making clutter from your life.  They are upsetting the balance.  They're like the laundry you did but never folded, just all in a pile on your floor or that suitcase from the trip you took last week that has yet to be unpacked.  They are full of potential but its just a mess right now. They might even be blocking you from your next love simply because you are given them your focus.  

All you can do in situationships is respect your own energy, play it by ear and embrace the complexities in which you have come to know this person. This mindset will give you a sense of peace that will prompt healing and closure.  

Ending a situtionship is not as difficult as it may seem.  Honoring your vibration and honoring your truth is way easier than being at the mercy of someone else's confusion.  Appreciating the fact you got to spend time with this soul will shift your perspective to a place of gratitude.  Gratitude will set you free without discord.  

The lessons this person has to teach you, you have to teach yourself,

It is actually really intimate to learn how fucked up someone is, you know them on a level most people don't get to know.  If you were just another basic beez in their life you wouldn't get the honor of learning how all this person's childhood hurts and past negative karma is acting out in their current psyche.  Feeling relaxed in your situationship allows you the intimacy of getting to know how this person presents themselves, how they hinder their success, how they don't live their truth and all the other little flaws that make them human.

The lesson is within how you choose to honor & respect yourself.

The situationship I got myself into taught me more about my inner strength than I ever could.  I was fierce when he acted up.  For the first time in my dating career I wasn't crying and desperate when a guy was a fuckboy.  When months later he needed my help, he taught me unconditional love.  He taught me helping people and how you treat others is an act of your good character, not theirs. He taught me to not apologize for being honest, especially if it was something that had been building up for a long time and was bound to be so honest it hurt feelings. He didn't exactly "teach me" this, he was just being his normal pussy self and I did the learning. 

So now, in the current state of our situationship, I honor him.  That angel face with blue eyes who just happened to be at a bar while I was on vacation across the country.  What a mess we made out of what could have been.  What a beautiful mess. God sent us to shake each other up and say all the things god can't simply speak.  No one teaches love, vulnerability or getting over your ex in school.  God sent us each here to do those things for each other. Honoring you, is a way of honoring god and the lessons he's taught me. 

So my advice on situationships is take it lightly, laugh about the past, realize how different you are from when you first met this person.  Reflect on how much they taught you about love and life.  Notice how through their actions you might have healed yourself from your own wounds or shadow.  Notice how they made you stronger than you thought you could be.  

Leave them at a distance as a respect for yourself. Open yourself up to the love you know you deserve.  

 Tell this person you love them because that honestly is what it all is. It always all love. 

Amen. 

XOXO

-Nat