We've all been there. Someone doesn't want to be with us, whether it be a tinder date, short crush or long term relationship. The break up. The "No, I'm not that interested", the "Oh, I'm talking to someone else", the " Let's just be friends", the "I don't do relationships". Usually our reaction as humans is to take it personally. I mean how can we not? A relationship is pretty personal. But whose feelings are hurt? Your soul's or your ego's? Distinguishing between the soul and the ego will help you react better and ultimately become stronger in the face of no. Silencing the ego, give a microphone to the soul.
It's easy to diagnose whether a break up has affected your soul or your ego. The evidence is in your reaction. Do you want revenge? Do you want to hurt them? Do you want to show off to them that you are fine without them? Do you want to go be with someone else instantly to rub it in their face or get over it? Do you want to blow up their phone like a psycho? Do you want to post weird subliminal passive aggressive messages through social media posts? Do you want to just fall off the face of the earth and move towns? Do you want to key their car?
The ego gets hurt and bruised very easily. It doesn't like to get told no, or that someone else is better, or that "I just don't want anything serious" right now. The ego can not see very far, it can't see the complexities of someone's else's situation, or that that this other person just isn't right for you because you want them to be.
I recently got dumped. I talked to this guy for 6 months and had absolutely no doubts he was the one. He was a breath of fresh air to the fuckboys I had been dealing with. But he pulled a fast one over my eyes and lied to me in a more fucked up way than any other guy, friend or person has in my entire life.
My ego was out to get him. I went to a tarot card reader and I pulled a card of a cat attacking and killing a bird lol like it was an intense and aggressive heartbreak warfare I was about to engage in to belittle him as man. I got a job that day at a fancy hotel and sent him a video saying " I got a job so FUCK YOU". I went out to pretty much every bar in town and posted snaps of me having the best time ever with pretty much any hot dude I could find. The next night I drove to his town with my best friend and took hot slutty pictures all over his local hang outs and posted them to snap chat. He watched every single post on my story (my ego wants to do the winky face emoji here #slay) I texted his boss and asked him to hang out. I ended up partying with his boss 4 times and sleeping over at his boss's house (platonically). Moral of the story is don't fuck with me or I will hang out with your boss and psychopathically smile about it the entire time and send u snapchats of it...jk...but actually. In retrospect, I won.... Right?
As some of you maybe reading this as a SLAY QUEEN moment it was not. (my ego did totally kill it tho)
Did it really make me happy to be out partying hours after getting dumped? Did my ego just turn a simple "boy bye" moment into a month long battle to destroy a fuckboy and ruin their life in multiple facets including self esteem, work place and any plans on traveling to Nashville in the near future? Yes. Did me partying with his boss make him miss me? Probably, but will he let his ego admit that? No.
The soul takes a second to process. The ego is immediate. Think of your soul as sober and your ego as a blacked out jersey shore douche trying to get in fights at a strip club.
The reality is my soul wasn't hurt. My soul was and still is a boss. My life is still awesome. He isn't an asshole, he wasn't even trying to purposely hurt me. His shitty behavior was a reflection of himself and has absolutely nothing to do with me.
The trick to quieting your ego is to take a second, take a minute, take like a friggin week to a month before you react. Call all your friends and explain what a dick the person is being and hear all the varying opinions on how you should never get back with them (this isn't actually a real step but we all do it so it's included).
After that, really detach yourself from the situation. From this place of detachment and just YOU get in touch with your feelings. Ask yourself what is bothering you? Is it an issue with them? An issue with you? Did they trigger some childhood hurt? Is there some external circumstances that could have caused this person to behave they way they did? Did you just not like the delivery of this message? (for example : I can't believe he dumped me on a text) Did you see it coming and ignore the signs? Are you repeating some toxic pattern? Does being in a relationship right now even make sense for this time in your life or theirs?
Allow yourself to over think to the point that you stop thinking. Feel the pain. It does suck! It does hurt! They probably are a huge asshole! But thinking about it without reacting allows you to process. During this time DO NOT COMMUNICATE WITH THEM!!
When you stop thinking, you will see that your soul is still whole. Your soul is still on its path to highest consciousness and that your true twin flame is on its way. Your soul never needed anyone anyways. If anything, this person was clouding your aura and needs to get their bad vibes out of your sphere.
When you realize how whole you are, you don't need to say anything or prove anything to anyone. It's a feeling and that feeling is recognized by that other person, others around you and the universe in general. Eternal wholeness is the ultimate revenge because the other person is most likely not on a high enough vibration to even know what's going on and will struggle their whole life acting from their ego and never growing. The only thing you can control is your reaction and as a spiritual soul your reaction is merely an effortless vibration that radiates I AM AWESOME AND DON'T NEED YOUR SORRY ASS. You don't have to say it you just embody it.
Your ego will never heal yourself or heal them. Your ego will never heal the situation. Your ego seeks to separate and attack in order to defend itself.
The soul does not need defense. The soul knows the path it walks is full of obstacles and challenges to raise its consciousness and to be a better spiritual being. The soul is transparent. The soul is bulletproof. This knowledge is the wisdom and how else would you have learned to love yourself? This temporary pain is wisdom. The soul is not concerned with petty snapchats or who the other person's new boo is. The soul is not concerned with stalking their social media profiles. The soul is not concerned with running into them at a bar and it being awkward. The soul is not scared of a tense phone call. The soul is unphased by this other person and their behavior because your soul wants you to see how whole you are and have been without them. This is your power. This is your true strength. Do no let the other person take away your power because your ego wants to throw some punches.
Remaining sad, angry or feeling doomed in love is giving that other person control over you. Don't give them that power.
So yay! You are now a better person because you know how to distinguish between ego and soul. Instead of telling the other person to STFU you can tell your ego to STFU. Move on. Do ya thang.
Hope this helps.
Leave comments on your thoughts & experiences on how you want to or did overcome your ego in a break up.